Anhedonia · & · Amphetamines

how was winter actually better, i'm still at a loss to understand? i'd just as soon not try to figure it out. i love neurotin, but combined with actually being a tiny bit crazy it  just makes me feel more unstable. maybe i can live with that. maybe it just this house.

To the silly cunt in the coffee shop who ordered a de-caf, non-fat something or another with a shot of sugar free syrup...Drink some real damn coffee bitch, with some sugar and cream...for christsfuckingsakes your plastic ass is not going to live forever, it doesn't matter if you never eat another carb or even a single granule of real sugar and only drink milk derived from beans- you are not going to live forever and car crashes and natural gas explosions don't give a fuck if you eat healthy (fake). Put down the raw oatmeal & soy milk cereal and the protein powder slushie and enjoy some real goddamned food.

I just had to get that out there.

Shit's been crazy around here recently. there's a great deal been going on and i just haven't felt like writing on it. tristan left, he's in S.C with his grandma. If he can get enough in financial aid hopefully he'll be back for school in August.
Kevin is living with me now. He's a wonderful and patient puppy, i love him dearly. I guess that was the necessary trade off. Finally really get to be with the one person i couldn't live without and be left by someone i couldn't bare to loose.
Photo went well i guess. planning on doing an independent study  in photography with sarah next fall. my stuff needs work and focus. If i get a more cohesive body of work together i may consider showing at The Space again- but with all the 'artists' in this town im not sure how much anything i do is likely to matter. especially with the slick, trendy, photoshop generation running around untamed and undisciplined.  which- if one looks at  the work of the really academically successful photographers- almost none of them were either slick or trendy.
I'm teaching myself how to draw. copying mostly. but doing a variety of studies and such to develop a style and a library of images and image parts. The section(s) of the library with the art books is maddening. the numbers start in the fucking basement and then continue somewhere in a dark corner 4 floors up. Makes no goddamned sense even when you understand the fucking dewey decimel system...just pick a system of ordering your titles and stick to it. don't go inventing subsystems on me  and then be in the process of rearranging all the shelves in a damn 9 story library for the last year and half...ya fucking useless library trolls.

Fairly well done with all my classes- have one last official class at 2. im resigned to the idea that watching another movie about culturally exploited african hut people will do jack shit for me overall, so i might as well skip it. Apparently, in the lower levels, just keep everyone on the same page, "anthropology" is to be defined only as "the study (mainly via 20 year old VHS) of anything that lives in an enclosure constructed of banana leaves, palm fronds or animal hides" .  It's a good working definition i suppose- but it could stand some meat.
so, not going to that class. kevin and i will likely spend the day...doing whatever it is we do when we spend days. might go on a walk to the park and take the neighbors dog Falcore. He needs the exercise and right now a 'rent-a-pet' is the only kind of pet i can afford to get.
if anybody knows where i might get a job around here that'd be helpful too since where i work apparently closes down for the summer.

That last post...ya...that last post made no goddamned sense. Please disregard.
Spent an ungodly amount of time next door yesterday/this morning. that house really does exist in its own little shimmering, shifting reality warp...and i didn't even do anything despite some good solid effort otherwise.

So there's a Neil Gaiman/Jim Henson movie...no one told me. I feel deprived of potential pleasure perhaps even unloved. Shame on...all of you I had to find out the hard truth on my own.

So this is exciting...


i dont need that. Consumer profiling? No thanks, i think im ok without that particular service of yours. But wait...they were so nice they already made me a profile and everything already complete with feedback from one of the sites i buy textbooks from. Still i think ill pass. I appreciate the effort in a "yay-at least it's not zombie porn sorta way" but i need one more person, place or thing evaluating my performance in life and issuing grades accordingly like i need a rabid 3 toed sloth. DO.NOT.WANT! WTF internet, i thought you had my back. It can never be the same between us, Facebook is getting pruned indefinitely and Myspace is going in trash bin where trash belongs just as soon as i figure out how to delete my page.

Going to Belmont. Must pack things.

I feel...vaguely accomplished and "made of win" as one might say. but only vaguely. I woke up this morning and didn't feel like death for only getting about 5 hours and in its own little emo way, the dreary, gray weather is a refreshing change. It feels nice and peaceful compared to a loud, bright day like yesterday.  Got most of my class things figured out...kinda. And being able to take my last Theatre history THIS SUMMER (second session!!! for once) is also made entirely of win and sunshine dust, because I always take my Theatre history classes over the summer...yes it's more material/assignments in a shorter period of time...but it is infinitely easier somehow- I've made B's both times without even trying, blowing a line then walking to my final (just like someone i know, who i didn't know then interestingly enough). Then the requisite practicum hours...a french class and hopefully my last science req. with Dr. J again,,.I almost got on one of the tables in the lab here at work and did a happy dance but something tells me that doing silly table dances in the tutoring lab is likely frowned upon.
Photo expedition with Erin later
Tristan stole my mp3 player 2 weeks ago without me noticing and replaced my playlists with music from his set that i find obscure and am only recently becoming aware of...Mann mann, The Faint, The Decemberists, The Lovemakers and The Arcade Fire which i find completely pretentious and utterly un-listenable .

Wooooooooooooooo.

Offending someone is probably my main intention here, so you stand forewarned.

Apparently the UNCG campus Republicans are having a "Morals Week" here towards the end of March. The concept of "Morals" alone is enough, but just in case that concept wouldn't piss off enough people the days of this week have themes...
These are the 3 that I saw advertised:
- "Are you a Femi-Nazi" day
-A 'PETA' (People for the Eating of Tasty Animals) BBQ
AND!!!! are you people ready for this bullshit...
-Straight Pride Day...

I just don't have the words to express how that makes me feel. Gay Pride week (while just sort of a joke sometimes) is in no way the GLBT community's way of mocking straight people. I challenge someone to find the consumption of veggies morally offensive.  I have never, ever, not EVER been heckled by a member of a different sexuality for being straight and I've also never been treated unfairly or marginalized because i am straight. As for the whole Femi-Nazi shit...from what i can tell from their flyer it's a thinly, thinly veiled excuse to have an anti-abortion protest which honestly- ive never been overburdened with an overwhelming sense of humanity, i see the concern of those opposed to abortion, but that whole lack of humanity thing lets me put a different spin on things. You can call it human whenever you want, but just like its ok to pull the plug on someone in a vegatative state, there is a vast amount of difference between a human and a person. And when it comes right down to it in regard to the whole Morals Week thing- I believe in the right to "Rights", my right to choose the path i take in my life, with my  body and have my friends enjoy that same right no matter who they're fucking or exactly how they go about it. The principle it comes down to is simple- people should not be obsessively or unfairly mocked or targeted for their beliefs or lifestyle decisions no matter how uncomfortable it may make some to know that we do not live in a world of homogeneous ideals (and seriously what good could possibly come from making fun of those out there who prefer to be herbivores? 1 more vegi/vegan means more cow for you if there's ever a shortage...omg its sooo unamerican)  Oh yea and fuck the american family...why is everyone so deathly afraid that the Cleavers and Joneses concept of family might go extinct...it's stale, overrated and for christssake have you seen the divorce rates?
im done now.
needless to say i plan to go to a few of  these little functions, Straight Pride Day especially- we're raising an army of deviant sexuality (and its straight supporters) and we're gonna crash their little fundamentalist wank fest. I'm thinking of making a shirt that says "I kiss boys who kiss boys" and wearing that around...if anyone comes up with any other clever and abrasive slogans they would be much appreciated.

Oy. what the fuck. i know ive got friends...at least, i think i do...and i really want something to do that'll involve people and fun such that my hours can waste away into the night.  ive been seeing too much of me lately and its getting stale. Life slowing down so drastically has been hard to take. and booze, i dont get booze, the healing properties of booze, the entertainment value of booze, the sex appeal of booze- i just dont get it. or, maybe i do get it but im drunk when i do and so i dont actually remember....whatever. happy st. patricks day and remember- drinking green beer makes you look more retarded than usual.

St. Patty's day, Cinco de Mayo...all these holidays we celebrate here in the US for other countries most of us have never been to it just makes me wish there was a holiday celebrating Columbia...(thanks to Abe for that joke, many st. patts days ago)